Some of my new work..

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Thoughts, comments and suggestions welcomed! :)

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FYI

The things people will do and put up with for the sake of NOT being alone. *shaking my fucking head* Ah, I guess I'm old school. There's nothing sexier than someone who is independent. There's nothing more pathetic though, than a dependent piece of shit. Good night! ♥

I'm Not Dead

.. just changing. Finding inspiration. Be back in a few days. Hope all is well, love you guys! :)

Crystall Ball...

I don't know what's wrong with me you guys... I've been extremely sad all day, for no apparent reason. I mean, it's 4 a.m. and here I am, up, blogging, listening to P!nk's Crystall Ball...

Drinking wine and thinking bliss, is on the other side of this
I just need a compass and a willing accomplice
All my doubts that fill my head are skidding up and down again
Up and down and round again, down and up and round again.

Oh, I've had my chances and I've taken them all.
Just to end up right back here on the floor.
To end up right back here in on the floor.

...thinking about my life; my past, my present and my future. I've been thinking a lot... I find myself just laying in bed, gazing and staring at my ceiling... asking myself questions I don't have answers to.

Why didn't I get the chance to say goodbye to my grandmother? Does she know how much I miss her? Does my mom know how much I love her, regardless of how "stubborn" and "bad" I might be in her eyes? Where would I be without the few people who have stuck beside me through thick and thin? Where will I be if God forbid, one day they're no longer here? Am I doing the right thing? What path do I take? Why don't I give a fuck? Why aren't there any good men left in this world? Why, in a room filled with close friends, do I feel so lonely?

Sorry for the downer post, I just needed to vent... without really saying much, yet saying everything I needed to say. I'm OK though, just have a lot of shit in my head. Tomorrow is a new day. =]

Santo's Top 10 Songs Of 2008

10. A Milli (Lil Wayne)




9. Since You've Been Gone (Day 26)




8. I Luv Your Girl (The Dream)




7. Love In This Club Part 2 (Usher feat. Beyonce)




6. Am I Dreaming (Kat DeLuna feat. Akon)





5. Amnesia (Cherish)
This song flopped, undeservingly so. I was one of the few people I knew who loved this song. Maybe it's because no one even got to hear it. I don't know if I liked it because it sounded similar to N'Sync's Gone, or because I was going through something and the song just spoke to me. All I know is that this song still gets plays on my iTunes and it's a shame that radio didn't give this song a chance.



4. So What (P!nk)
P!nk is probably my favorite recording artist. Her albums have been consistently good. She knows how to switch it up and she's not afraid to take risks. Funhouse is my favorite album of 2008 and this song definitely re-introduced her with a bang. Reminiscent of her 2006 song Cuz I Can, this is P!nk at her best. I guarantee my 2009 list will be filled with a couple of P!nk tracks.



3. Single Ladies (Beyonce)
Get Me Bodied part 2. That's exactly what Single Ladies is. The funny thing is that the former flopped and the latter is quickly becoming one of her biggest hits. Maybe it's the video. Or no wait, the parodies. Or maybe it's those insanely awesome performances. Hmph, whatever the case, Beyonce has released another #1 banger and I'm loving it.



2. Bust Your Windows (Jazmine Sullivan)
While I've never busted anyone's windows (I was really close to though but that was way before the song was released), I can totally relate to the pain Jazmine Sullivan sings about in this gem of a track. The video was a huge disappointment but that didn't stop me from loving this song. No other song captured the emotion and vulnerability that Bust Your Windows did. So What came close, but this one takes the win.



1. Get Naked (Britney Spears)
The first time I heard this song, I fell in love with it. The hypnotizing production, the sexual chants, the insanely catchy hook; this is in my opinion, one of Britney Spear's best songs ever. As a matter of fact, this will probably go down as one of my favorite songs of all time. It's weird because not many people consider this song one of Blackout's standout tracks. I might be in the minority but it doesn't matter. No song this past year got more spins than this one did. My birthday is coming up in two months; I think I'm going to make it my birthday theme.

2008 was a good year in music. I developed a love for dance music and I hope to see more and more quality dance tracks in 2009. I have my eye on Lady Gaga & M.I.A. I see you Britney ("Kill The Lights," "If You Seek Amy" are my new obsessions). I hope Jazmine Sullivan breaks through to the mainstream world. Beyonce isn't going anywhere. Rihanna better drop another banger as good as Good Girl Gone Bad. P!nk has yet to disappoint me... let's keep it like that. Here's to 2009 being a good year in music. I'll be back tomorrow with my top videos and album picks of 2008.

Free Will Vs. Destiny/Fate

Let's get a little philosophical in here.

Do you believe we have free will, free to do as we wish, constanly changing our fate OR are we merely living a predetermined life, with our destiny already chosen for us? Does everything happen for a reason or do things just happen?

Is it a little bit of both? And if so, explain.

R.I.P. Grandma

My grandmother passed away yesterday. She had been living with Hepatitis C for about 10 years. She died in her sleep early Saturday morning. I broke down crying just a little while ago... I can't even begin to to imagine the pain my mom is going through, who's the one would found her dead. As most of you know, I'm Dominican and half of my family lives in the Dominican Republic. I called my mom earlier and she couldn't even talk on the phone... crying hysterically. Just, wow. :( :( :( :(

Grandma, I can't believe you're gone. You were always there for me. Such an intelligent woman, so tender yet so strong, so caring, so loving... yet you lived a life full of suffering and pain. Though I miss you... and your silly jokes and pranks... and your wonderful words of wisdom... I'm happy that you're finally at peace. Thank you for giving birth to my beautiful mother, who I can't ever imagine losing, so I can't even begin to feel her pain. I'm sorry I never gave you that family picture you wanted that I took of everyone last summer. I fucking love you abuela, I know you're looking out for us from above. May your soul finally rest in peace.


- Santo

I Want To Get To Know You...

I found this questionnaire online and thought it'd be fun to post it on here so we can get to know eachother a little better. =]

666

So I'm conducting a survey for my Anthropolgy class and I need my fellow LJ friends to help me out. =] The topic is the number 666. Here we go:


1. What do you believe about the number 666?

2. What would you do if the numbers 666 appeared in large letters on your child's forehead on his sixth birthday?

3. What would you do if these numbers would not come off no matter what you or a doctor tried to do to remove them?


I have to hand in a summary analysis of my findings so just answer away!

The Tyra Banks Show "Gay In The Ghetto"

Tyra sheds light on the struggles of growing up gay in some of the roughest and poorest neighborhoods -- and the loneliness and pain experienced as a result of the lack of support from family and friends.

She sits down with “voguing” artist Benny Ninja, who appears on “America’s Next Top Model,” to talk about how he was a victim of gay bashing, and how he felt like an outcast his entire life. Benny is the “house father” of the House of Ninja, a safe haven that takes in homeless, gay teens and provides food, shelter and emotional support to help create a stable life for residents.

Tyra then goes to the home of a younger gay man who was recently attacked by a group of straight men -- and who fears for his life in the projects. She surprises him by taking him to a safe-haven house, the House of Jourdan, where he’s welcomed by other residents. She also speaks to a transgender prostitute whose family abandoned him after he revealed he was gay. He is given an opportunity to join the House of Jourdan… and house mother Morgan Roy’el talks about how she builds self-esteem and confidence with house events where residents can showcase their talents.

It's a damn shame that these teens are getting beat up because of their sexuality. Can you imagine what it would feel like to have your life put at risk every time you walk out your house, because of the simple fact that you're attracted to the same sex? What possesses these ignorant fucks to commit hate crimes like this? Why does it bother people so much to see two guys holding hands; would it bother you as much if they were holding hands with girls? Would that make you happy? Why are people so worried about who someone else likes, what someone wears or what music they listen to? Why are people getting beat up, stabbed and even killed because of these things? And how the FUCK are these people getting away with this shit? Ay dios mio, let me stop, I'm getting pissed.

As a gay "out" Hispanic man living in NYC, I've definitely had my share of struggles in my environment because of my sexuality, mostly revolving on me being "in the closet" for most of my life. Yet, as one doors opens (me coming out and being comfortable with myself), many more close (discrimination). It's a tough, tough world out there, especially for a gay man. But that does nothing but MOTIVATE me. I have too much to prove (to myself), too many goals to accomplish & way too many dreams and aspirations to let some dumb fucks trip me over. On that note, I'm out & have a blessed night ya'll.

Busy, busy, busy!

Sorry folks, I've been extremely busy. Busy as in, 10 page paper due one day, 15 page paper due the following day, three final exams the next and two presentations the next day. I've been stressed the fuck out, you have don't even understand. But the semester is finally over this week and that means I'll be school-free and have more and more time to spend on my blog. Yay! =] Stay tuned folks, new layout coming soon.

Happy Mother's day to all the moms out there, who've worked their asses off to raise their children. I <3 you moms! =]

Maybe I'm Just A Petty, Catty Little Bitch

Bare with me here.

So me and this guy have been going out for two months.

YouTube Suspended My Account...

Those sons of bitches over at YouTube suspended my accounted because of a Michelle Williams video. I had a clip up there of when Michelle Williams sang at an MTV special in 2001 with her group "United Harmony." Well, anyways, YouTube removed the video. Next thing you know all my shit is deleted and my account is suspended. Oh well... guess it's time to move on to Dailymotion.

"Think About Such Things..."

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things... and the God of peace will be with you."

- Philippians 4:8

I heard this quote today. I heard it and for some reason it just hit me. I don't read the Bible like that. As a matter of fact, I can count with one hand the times I've read through it. But for some reason, this just spoke to me. What exactly does it mean? I'm not sure. All I know is that I haven't been thinking about such things lately; at all. I've been thinking about things that don't keep me in peace. I haven't been thinking about anything lovely or pure. I've been thinking about stuff that makes me sad. Stuff that stresses me out. Stuff that makes me mad at the world. Stuff that is beyond my control. I feel like I need to get in touch with my spiritual side. Maybe meditation? Maybe some yoga? Or maybe, just maybe, I need to start believing in him again. Maybe I just have to have faith.

Cheating On The One You Love?

I've heard close friends say, "Oh, I cheated on him. But I love him. It was a mistake." I've heard other say, "If you cheat on the one you love, then you don't really love them." I for one believe that if the love you and your woman/man have is strong, you won't cheat on them. A person with morals, values and character, won't cheat. That being said, most people don't have any of that; most folks are selfish mutherfuckers. Thus, most folks would cheat on the one(s) they love. It happens every day. Married couples, 10 year relationships, high school sweet hearts; all go down the drain over a quick 2 minute fuck in the alley or in the cheap hotel room. I don't know what the excuse is. Why are so many people cheating? Infidelity has become almost acceptable, in a way. The more women men have, the better they look. Yet, if you're in love with someone, why would you allow yourself to give into the temptations? Remember, there's someone who's in love with you too. Why be so damn selfish? Can you imagine your man/woman cheating on you and you finding out and then hearing them tell you to your face, "Baby, I'm still in love with you." Get the fuck out of here with that shit. I think that if you're in a relationship, if you have character and if you value who you are and who you're with, you will not cheat.

Thoughts?

Happy Birthday To Me!

Happy 20th Birthday to me!

Just came back from a lounge; spent the night chillin and buggin out with some close friends. The real party isn't until this Friday though; going clubbing in NYC with over 50 people! It's going to be crazy. Anyhow, I had a fun night, my flu went away and I'm 20 years old! Holler! ;)

Feeling blah..

So I had an amazing weekend. Thursday was off the hook. Me and group of friends went out to a club in Passaic to celebrate the Dominican Independence Day. They had $1 Tequila shots so you know I was up in there. I had a banging night. Friday and Saturday, we partied it up in my room. We had two 30 packs of beers, vodka bottles left and right; we went all out. What was the occasion? We were PRE-GAMING for my birthday which is this Wednesday but won't celebrated till Friday. Holy shit, I can't wait.

Well, somehow someway my good weekend had to come to a halt. Sunday night I woke up with an extremely high fever (102) and I COULD NOT GET UP. No, it wasn't a hang over. I have the FLU. I didn't eat ANYTHING on Sunday, I had to call out of work; I just slept all day. So today I went to the doctor and indeed I do have the flu. I got some medicine and my fever is now down to 98. I'm feeling a lot better and I definitely want to be up and running by Friday, since it's going to be such a big night for me. I have friends from all over the place coming to celebrate my birthday.

I just have to relax... I feel so blah. I have so many papers due NEXT week. I work two jobs, have classes @ 8am everyday and I usually don't get out of work till 1-2am in the night. It's tough. Midterms are right around the corner. Everything is piling up. All these projects and assignments, the crazy work hours, I'm in so much freaking debt; Ugh. Add to that the fact that I'm sick. Meh. :(

I'm a trooper though and there's nothing that can stop me. I just feel like I'm about to fall flat on my face and it's going to take a while for me to get back up.

It's Just Been A Bad Week

OK the weekend can't come soon enough. It's only Tuesday and I'm already tired of this shit. Bills, work, family, school, dumb bitches; it's a tad much right now. Once Friday rolls around, forget it I'm getting trashed. And next week is my birthday so forget about it; it's a wrap. But I miss my Bambush (nickname for my best friend, who no longer lives in the U.S.). In a world filled with so many phonies and opportunists, you are as REAL as REAL gets. I <3 you.

I've realized, that not everyone is who they say they are and not everyone is a friend.

God give me patience.

They say "good things come to those who wait." Well, I'm still waiting.

Don't Question The Tie That Binds...

I've always wondered how certain people can live with each other, how complete opposites can mantain balance, how people stay in relationships and give it their all only to receive nothing in return. I've always questioned why people keep running back to that scumbag or dumb ass bitch or why you keep allowing that person back in your life, completely ignoring everything they've put you through. But I've finally realized... that you can't question the tie that binds. The love two people have for one another, however weird, fucked up or wrong you think it is, is still love.

"Don't question the tie that binds."

It all makes perfect sense.

What's your phobia?

Ever since I can remember, I've had a fear of holes. Yes, holes. And today I found out that my phobia actually has a name: Trypophobia. I get goosebumps and feel gross even writing about this. To better understand what exactly my phobia is, check out these two pics:

Pic One [x]
Pic Two (NSFW) [x]

I can't even look at those pics without my whole body turning cold, feeling extremely itchy and nauseous. Weird huh?

Do you have any weird phobias?